Talk with Tish: An individual who made great progress at the farm has slipped back into old habits… how can I re-engage them?

Q. An individual who made great progress at the farm has slipped back into old habits… how can I re-engage them?  

I recently accompanied a group to Jamie’s Farm and was impressed by the progress made by each of our young people over the week. One young person in particular underwent an incredibly positive transformation during our stay. Having been selected due to their low engagement and self-esteem, I was blown away to watch their enthusiasm grow throughout the week. It was particularly lovely to watch them establish great connections with the rest of the group, which I could see really helped their confidence.  

Since we’ve been back at school, I’ve set up a weekly session with the group over lunchtime. We meet for check-ins and shout-outs and sometimes play one of the games from the farm or go for a quick walk together. This has been a great success with most of the group, but it’s disheartening that said young person, who had initially benefitted so much from the programme, has stopped attending these sessions and seems to be withdrawing from school again.  

How can I help to re-engage them? 

A. It is disheartening when you see a young person slide backwards after feeling that they flourished during their residential at Jamie’s Farm.  

I wouldn’t underestimate the good you are doing in keeping up the check-ins, games and time spent outdoors. It may be the young person you have in mind is struggling with some of the external realities of their life. This could be pressures at home, peer group pressure or a lack of confidence creeping in. It may be that their school persona does not feel secure enough to let down their guard and they behave in less positive ways if they fear peer approval from those who did not come to the farm. Often the reasons are complex and not singular and we have to be careful not to jump to conclusions.  

If you can sculpt out some time one to one with the young person (which I understand is easier said than done) with a parallel activity so it takes the heat out of the encounter, and it feels less exposing, you might be able to let them reflect and share what they are finding difficult and what might help. 

I think the best place to start is where the child is. Come alongside their reality and provide space for them to describe what might be on their mind, but bear in mind they need to start often with the less serious issues before they feel safe enough to travel to the heart of the matter in a conversation. Sometimes, just showing we are available and willing to listen is the best approach. Acknowledging that we cannot always change a child’s reality is also important.  

Conversations can move from the safe and lightweight chat to: “I notice you don’t seem to be as happy now we’re back at school.” Remember, less is more. Give space for a response, you don’t have to fill the gaps.  

You can suggest the young person might value some time with a peer if they found they made a good connection at the farm. They may be able to share what the struggles are of reintegration. Many young people from the group could be masking these, but an open, sharing conversation will enable the most vulnerable to not feel isolated and recover some sense of belonging. Sharing this information with other staff who support these young people in school can also be helpful to help lighten the load on you. 

The best thing we can do for a young person is to stay hopeful and carry for them the memory of who you know them to be when at their best.