Consistency is key, but being human is more important

When it comes to teaching, we are told from our first day that consistency is key in managing behaviour. Children need stability and are also very quick to sniff out injustice, so consistency is important in applying behaviour policies. Evidence suggests that consistency is indeed key for children in building trusting relationships with adults*. But how does this work in practice, when in reality, children are arriving to us at vastly different starting points in terms of their ability to learn?   

Put simply, a child needs to trust, to feel safe and feel loved/liked before their brain can switch to curiosity and desire to learn. Rules can bring safety, but those that are delivered in a formulaic, non-relational way can fail to help a child who has adverse childhood experiences and who is therefore naturally hypervigilant. To develop trust and able to have an open rather than defensive mindset that encourages learning requires a positive relationship, where humanity is valued and demonstrated. 

The impact of inconsistency 

Being consistent is being predictable- children need to feel safe. That is the bottom line. Trust is destroyed for children who grow up in families where the parents vacillate from being loving and then harsh and punitive, even abusive. These children become hypervigilant- on guard, unable to take in and absorb the affection that might be available, as experience has taught them that it might disappear.  Shame and disappointment trump the temporary good feelings, annihilating the faith that these adults might be trustworthy.  

Building trust 

Too often we offer too few chances to build a child's trust. They are not going to change a lifetime’s narrative of fear and doubt if we are kind briefly and expect results immediately. Children tell us that adults need to earn respect and indeed they do, just as they, in turn, will earn ours. It's not a matter of entitlement to a child. It is a matter of trust and hope. They want to believe but need to test the waters.  It is our job as adults to model the way forward; to be what they need us to be.  

What does consistency mean? 

Being consistent does not mean we have to always be funny, lively, enthusiastic or the most entertaining. It might mean we have to hold to our values and be patient, authentic, curious, empathic and kind. This does not discount that some teachers are more orderly, strict and rule-bound, but still predictably fair and reasonable. Others may be more flamboyant, creative, and flexible, but still at the core grounded, have boundaries, be readable and predictable.  

Rules can be helpful, scaffolding expectations, but they can also be rigid, blind and lack humanity. It takes skill- but not rocket science- to thread a pathway that allows children to trust us, to want to learn, to want to follow.   

There is a difference if we expect consistency of ourselves, but it is robotic and not heart led. Many schools have stale mantras, reinforced and repeated every day, but these are falling on deaf ears, as the children are bored, and all meaning has been removed.  

Consistency has to be about being reliable in taking care of the child's worth- not letting them feel they no longer matter- not giving up them. If we fail in consistency occasionally, we can use reparation to take responsibility. We shouldn’t beat ourselves up about it, but instead use it as an opportunity to share our humanity.  

In conclusion, consistency is key for children, but when delivered in a genuine way, without losing our shared humanity. We might not always be able to live up to the ideals we hold, but we can still be guided by them.